Friday, May 21, 2010

Words hurt, and you can't eat them

I've hurt someone and I am deeply ashamed of myself. I've apologized but I don't know that the person will ever being willing to accept it. I'm not sure I would if the situation was reversed.

There was absolutely no excuse for what I did. It wasn't said to face to face in the heat of a passionate argument over a contested issue. That would have been bad enough. I was critical of behavior that was none of my business, and said it to another person, not intending for this to be heard. That makes me mean and stupid. I'm not advocating being cautious as a pass to being mean, but not being careful that the person wouldn't hear me...does that show how out of control I was? 

My dad used to say "just because other people are nasty, you don't have to be nasty too". I usually live this way but fell into an ugly pool of snide commenting. Even though I've climbed out of that pool and tried to shake all residue of snideness off, the stink is still there.

Have you ever done something like this? Besides regret for hurting someone's feelings and shame for my behavior, I am lost as to what to do. I don't think there is any physical act I can perform to make this person feel better and I'm sure they don't want to hear anything more from me for quite a while, if ever again.

Beating myself up hasn't helped either of us, so I am making a concentrated effort to be a better, kinder and more patient person who remembers her father's advice. I'll get back to light and hopefully amusing stories in my next post. Give yourself a hug today and smile at a stranger. Maybe that smile will brighten the day of someone who was undeservedly hurt, and a smile will look good on you and on your soul.


Coralie Cederna Johnson said...

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Doing something "wrong" is harder on the person who did it as opposed to person receiving it. Wish I had a nickel for every hurtful or thoughtless remark I've made to others through the years. I think it's called being human. Love yourself. Write her/him a note and let them know again how sorry you are. Then move on.
Sending you some big hugs!

Blondie's Journal said...

I'm not good at giving advice but I am a good listener. It's amazing what time can do. After both of you have time to think and calm down, you can see where this will be going.

Wishing you the best...


The Urban Chic said...

OH Knit, I know you all to well and I'm sure it was just a slip of the tongue and we are all guilty at some point in our lives do it. I hope this person is reading this and accepts your heartfelt apology. I am not pychic, but I feel I may know what you are talking about.
Send them a pretty note like you used to send to us and just let them know how sorry you feel. If they don't respond, it's off your shoulder and do like I have to do with my family and move on. Love you and sending a huge bucket of hugs, Pat

LemonyRenee' said...

We all make mistakes, Sweetie, and the fact that this is torturing you so is testament to your true character. I bet, when the sting wears off, this person would love to let you repair the damage. You're not a mean person . . . perhaps you did a mean thing, but there is a distinction. A mean person would not care or regret.

As for your advice of showing kindness to a stranger -- hear, hear! As someone who has been the victim of some recent uncalledfor meanness, I can say that little things like that are needed and helpful.

And remember to show some kindness to yourself at this tender time, too. (((hugs)))

Holly, the Old Western Gal said...

Good Gravy, what is going around? Everyone falling into a pit of some sort. Kindly climb out and stop stomping on your own heart. I so doubt you meant to be mean. A person can get "mouthy" as I call it, without meaning any real harm. No malicious intent is there, just mouthiness.

Kelli said...

((((Knitty)))) I know you are not a mean or malicious person and I can't imagine that anyone else could possibly see you as such. Hopefully with time this person will understand. We all make mistakes.

andrea said...

i'll offer some advice, not to you, but to the other person: "the heaviest thing to carry is a grudge". now - hopefully - they will be a big enough person to find the strength to forgive you. you realized your mistake - don't continue to beat yourself up for was a MISTAKE, something we all make. you are a WONDERFUL person...give this other person some time and space, and they will come around.

Chatty Crone said...

Well I wish I could say that I can't understand what you are saying. But i do because I have done it myself and I know more than once.

It is a mistake and we aren't perfect. We try to make amends and sometimes it doesn't work.

It is a lesson in life to learn from. To not say things to others and to learn to FORGIVE yourself.

It is what it is - you have asked for forgiveness - now you have to forgive yourself.

LOVE AND Best wishes, sandie

Nettie said...

Remember - "To ERR is human"...think we've all probably done something similiar in our lives.

Sending you a huge big hug

Love Nettie