When I opened my email yesterday, I received this from two different sources. I don't know if it is true or not, but having witnessed similar bloopers first hand, I certainly think these are possible, proving again, you can educate some, you can give them a degree, you can elect them to office (cringe) and put your care in their hands (dear God, please help!) but You Can't Fix Stupid!!!
HOSPITAL CHART
BLOOPERS
Actual entries from
hospital charts
1 . The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (OMG! that is some examination)
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (OMG! that is some examination)
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
I am glad that most of these conditions apply to me except for numbers 10, 18, 21 and 22. I haven't had reason to refuse an autopsy yet, but plan to do so if asked. Most of all, I am glad my sense of humor remains unfractured. It is necessary to get through the news some days.
5 comments:
Haha - they are probably nurses notes - but they all are human (my son is a doc). Love, sandie
I don't know if Akin has ever spoken to a woman (even if he is married), but only if he has been living in a cave, would it excuse this magnitude of stupidity. I would be so embarrased if he were kin to me! I have known some ignorant people, but this takes the cake.
Thanks for commenting on my latest blog post. You and my cousin keep me coming back to blog. Even my daughters don't bother commenting. Sad! Maybe I need to dangle a carrot...have a giveaway or just roll up the sidewalks. I like writing and it seems that I get some traffic, especially from FB friends, but seldom do they comment. THANK YOU. It means more than you might realize.
Beckie
I am pretty sure one of the dips that took my history this past stay wrote the thing about the left side pain. yeesh...
And we all should have the abnormal lover function. What? You don't? My hubs likes mine ::wink::
Kinky!!!
::running off now::
I totally believe these are real medical chart anecdotes. I've read some, and have likely written some myself. Computer charting is the best thing that's happened to my field. No more narrative charting. Doctors are guilty, too. The most recent charting I saw that made me laugh and was written by a colleague last year: the family has three cats and they're all heavy smokers.
Bad cats.
As for the rest, just because you're educated doesn't mean you have common sense. Sadly, it's not just Todd Akins, this subject is a major part of that party's platform. If you actually read the bill, (google HR 212), you can see that "Legitimate Rape" has been termed "Forcible Rape" instead. So if a victim acquiesces to save her life and isn't beaten, then it isn't rape. You can also see who signed the bills HR 3 and HR 212. THis is what they focused on instead of our debt crisis because this is their agenda.
Too funny!
aka DustBunny at MJG message board.
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