Saturday, March 3, 2012

Be it ever so humble.....

There's no place like home.

I was in Fort Myers, Florida for 13 days. It was wonderful to see friends again and the weather was beautiful. The hotel drove me crazy but a few of the reasons weren't the hotel's fault. I thought we were staying in a Residence Inn or Hilton Garden. They both feature a kitchenette and have a love seat and side chair in addition to either a table with chairs or a counter with stools for dining. We stayed elsewhere and spent 13 days in a hotel bedroom. Remember horror movies where the walls began to pulsate and then move in, little by little? I was there!
The main purpose of this trip was golf. Not for me, for hubby. A number of years ago he began going to Florida with his business mentor to visit fellow business buddies for 3 days of golf. It grew to 4 days, then a week. It was time for me to start going, not to play, but to get out of Michigan's cold weather. This year, with everyone retired and one golfer recuperating from an illness, the foursome decided to play every other day so two weeks sounded reasonable. Perhaps I wouldn't have become antsy if we hadn't just be gone for two weeks on our Hawaii trip, but I was pretty sure Colton had grown 14 inches in my absence and probably was dating by now. Thankfully neither was the case. Silly grandma!

One thing definitely wrong with the hotel was their possessed thermostats. You may think you are setting them to maintain a temperature as you would at home but within minutes of turning your back on the dial, they slip into a different degree. It wasn't just us, our traveling buddy had the same experience six rooms down. If the room felt a trifle warm at 76* and you set the thermostat at 74*, you didn't get a little blast of cool air that brought the room down two degrees. You got the north wind at full force!
This made for quite the romantic getaway. Picture a happy, somewhat tired golfer who doesn't mind ice forming on body parts gazing lovingly at his wife who has dragged the desk chair away from the air conditioner and placed it between the bed and wall as far away from the vent as she can get. What is the golfer's sex kitten wearing? A mint green, striped cotton nightgown with a mint green tee shirt over it and white socks. It wasn't Victoria's Secret, but hey....I was color coordinated!

I've already talked about the mystery omelet but did I mention the language barrier between a Michigan gal who took French in high school and the hotel's housekeeping staff who neither parlez-vous'd Francais nor speaka da English? For the record, I am not making fun of anyone. The staff were always smiling and tried to be helpful but there was a huge gap in understanding each other. I wanted a role of toilet paper. The friendly woman from housekeeping smiled and nodded vigorously and handed me shampoo. thanks, I need bathroom tissue. She handed me more towels. Now what could I say or do that make her understand? Is there an acceptable universal sign for needing toilet paper? I can think of one but I didn't want to scare the poor woman. I found it on her cart and helped myself to a roll.
"Oiletay aperpay? Askway atway eckchay inway orway oolpay."

By Thursday evening I was happily counting down the hours until we returned to Michigan where my *real* computer, regular food (as opposed to restaurant meals 3 times per day) and oh grandbaby lives. Hubby and his mentor had played golf that morning with one of the retired snowbirds. They were speculating that he wouldn't want to play again on Friday as he prefers not to play back to back days. While the three of us were having dinner, the snowbird called to say he would not be golfing on Friday because he had been ill since 3:00 and had spent most of the late afternoon in his bathroom.

Hubby and I were back in our closet hotel room by 8:30 and checking out the TV line-up (socks and a cardigan over the nightie might have sent an "are you kidding?" signal) when I felt a little cramp. Then a worse one. Then an oh no! gut wrenching cramp....I had whatever our snowbird friend had. There are worse experiences than what I went through, but the setting definitely made it worse. I was better yesterday, but weak and afraid to eat.
I am much, much better today. I have no doubt that my own surroundings and seeing my kids and Colton were a tonic. I'm feeling so perky, I've done 4 loads of laundry already AND I am not wearing a tee shirt over my nightshirt. I'm so frisky, I don't even have socks on!


Debbie said...

I feel so guilty laughing since you wrapped it up with gut wrenching sickness, but this was SUCH a fun post post to read! I laughed all the way through from the room description to the sex kitten, to the pig latin. You just crack me up!

Hope you are 100% better in no time. What a great story to tell, and what a great teller to tell it.

SkippyMom said...

No kidding there is no place like home. I love to vacation, but my bed is my bed and everything is at my fingertips. I want to be HERE.

Good thing you didn't need that TP around the time you got sick - although she might have gotten the point a lot faster. Glad you are feeling better - nothing is quite like food poisoning. ICK.

Chatty Crone said...

Hahahahaha - I wondered where you were - who knew? sandie

Rudee said...

Nothing worse than being sick and away from your own bed. Maybe next time rent a condo for a little more space.