NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I
was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents ..'
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard
to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she
asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the
phone to talk to you right now She's hitting the bottle.
MORE
NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
POLICE
# 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the
report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended
her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
POLICE
#2
It was the end of the
day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my
equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in
at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes,
walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth
soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions,
she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
DEATH
While walking along the
sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer
that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his
playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be
performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and
made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my
time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let
me talk!'
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
3 comments:
Those are SO funny. Really brought a smile to my face. Loved the one about the naked lady not wearing a seat belt! LOL!!
Thanks for the smile... just the right time for them.
Beckie
Very funny examples. Kids are the best sources for quotes like these. I especially like the Robin's funeral.
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