What I've learned from the news

I seem to rant about the news frequently, yet still I tune in. I claim it is to hear the weather forecast but am I secretly addicted? Years ago on a forum that no longer exists within the HGTV message boards, there was a woman who saw conspiracies in everything. Every. Little. Thing. I have no doubt that she would have deduced that a micro chip was implanted on my last dental examination what forced me to tune in and receive daily indoctrinations.

I think I just like to laugh at the absurdity of many things until it becomes too much, too depressing and necessary to stay away from it for a while. Since the only thing depressing in my world today is the weather (gray, wet and way too cold for October 1st!), today's news is worthy of a few rolling eyeballs and head shakes.

Did you know that it isn't ok to kill a terrorist if they were born in America? The pacifist in me wishes no one ever had to use a weapon period, but the realist in me doesn't care where they were born.

I am shocked! Shocked, I tell you [can you hear the sarcasm coming from my keyboard?] that Martha Stewart won't be nominated for Mother of the Year by her daughter. Personally, I like many of the ideas, crafts and products from Martha, the corporation. My gut feeling has always been that she isn't a warm person that I would enjoy knowing, but neither Martha or I have lost sleep over this. Did her daughter really need to write an expose on her mom? Especially while mom is alive? Do I think this was done for the money? No, no and a big fat yes!

Speaking of fat, did you know that NJ governor Chris Christie is too fat to be president? Before I say another word, I want to announce that I have no political affiliations, don't know if Christie has been good, bad or indifferent for his home state and I am an overweight American. Will Americans at large (is it ok to use that phrase or does that promote obesity?) ever look beneath the surface and determine a person's value for a position based on merit and experience rather than appearances?

Hmmm, maybe not considering former playmate Holly Madison just insured her breasts for one million dollars. She certainly is within her rights to do this, but when you pay a hundred dollars to see her show in Vegas, you're paying to see her "biggest money makers" (her words) and the insurance premium too. Who is the biggest boob?

Whatever size bra Holly Madison now wears, she isn't likely to find it on the rack (ooh! rack is another terms for boobs! I may have to give this post an R rating!) at Target where our First Lady recently shopped. Can you imagine having your shopping trips scrutinized? Or worse, not being able to come and go as you please? 

I understand the need for security but I like to shop at Target. That is why I won't agree to my husband running for president next year or any time in the near future. There's also the fat factor as I'm sure I am too fat to be First Lady, my silly belief that a person's value should be measured by their character rather than what trendy label they wear or who did their cosmetic work, my children's upbringing possibly being scrutinized (years of peanut butter and jelly on white bread without carrot sticks, arugula or soy milk!) and lastly, that I will talk to anyone peacefully but if you want to blow up people in some misguided notion that this is what any Supreme Being (whatever you choose to call the entity I call God) wants, I will pray for those who must stop you in order to save the lives of many.

On happier notes, there are only 262 days until summer returns and today is October 1st, time to once again say Rabbit! Rabbit! for good luck!

I'm off now to have my body scanned for the type of chips mentioned in my first paragraph. Thank goodness there is a setting that ignores chocolate chips and potato chips....I could be in big trouble otherwise!