Thursday, October 27, 2011

Kleenex sales have returned to normal

Nothing like a cold leaving you to remind you how good "normal" feels. I don't want to jinx myself by saying its gone, but at least its bags are packed and the cold seems to be ready to move on. I hope it doesn't have your house on its GPS program.

How about some smile-worthy quotes today? I am trusting my email source is correct in attributing these accurately, but if not, they still made me smile.


Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) 

 
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt 

 
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain 

 
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns 

 
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge 

 
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain 

 
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates 

 
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx 

 
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante 

 
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
 
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
- Alex Levine 

 
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield 

 
Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan 

 
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath 

 
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope 

 
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields 

 
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers 

 
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill 

 
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller 

 
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal 

 

5 comments:

Chatty Crone said...

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

That is what would be what would happen to me!

Love,
sandie

Blondie's Journal said...

I love funny quotes...these are the best. I never knew Eleanor could be so bawdy!!

XO,
Jane

Thisisme. said...

Hi there. So pleased that you are now feeling better after your cold. Those quotes really did give me a smile this evening! I loved the Eleanor Roosevelt one. She really did say some good things, as lots of really good quotes are attributed to her.

Sewconsult said...

Thanks for giving me a smile today. I surely needed it.
Glad you are doing better and had the last illness for the Fall & Winter.
Beckie

Debbie said...

Glad you on on the mend. Don't want to double jinx you by saying it's over either.

Those are all wonderful! My favorite is the Socrates one. Now, I might not think so if I were Mrs. Socrates...