Thursday, October 27, 2011

Kleenex sales have returned to normal

Nothing like a cold leaving you to remind you how good "normal" feels. I don't want to jinx myself by saying its gone, but at least its bags are packed and the cold seems to be ready to move on. I hope it doesn't have your house on its GPS program.

How about some smile-worthy quotes today? I am trusting my email source is correct in attributing these accurately, but if not, they still made me smile.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) 

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt 

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain 

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns 

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge 

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain 

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates 

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx 

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante 

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
- Alex Levine 

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield 

Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan 

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath 

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope 

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields 

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers 

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill 

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal 



Chatty Crone said...

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

That is what would be what would happen to me!


Blondie's Journal said...

I love funny quotes...these are the best. I never knew Eleanor could be so bawdy!!


Thisisme. said...

Hi there. So pleased that you are now feeling better after your cold. Those quotes really did give me a smile this evening! I loved the Eleanor Roosevelt one. She really did say some good things, as lots of really good quotes are attributed to her.

Sewconsult said...

Thanks for giving me a smile today. I surely needed it.
Glad you are doing better and had the last illness for the Fall & Winter.

Debbie said...

Glad you on on the mend. Don't want to double jinx you by saying it's over either.

Those are all wonderful! My favorite is the Socrates one. Now, I might not think so if I were Mrs. Socrates...