Kleenex sales have returned to normal

Nothing like a cold leaving you to remind you how good "normal" feels. I don't want to jinx myself by saying its gone, but at least its bags are packed and the cold seems to be ready to move on. I hope it doesn't have your house on its GPS program.

How about some smile-worthy quotes today? I am trusting my email source is correct in attributing these accurately, but if not, they still made me smile.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) 

 

 

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt 

 

 

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..

- Mark Twain 

 

 

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible

- George Burns 

 

 

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge 

 

 

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain 

 

 

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates 

 

 

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx 

 

 

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante 

 

 

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

 

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

- Alex Levine 

 

 

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield 

 

 

Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan 

 

 

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

- Joe Namath 

 

 

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope 

 

 

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..

- W. C. Fields 

 

 

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers 

 

 

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill 

 

 

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..

- Phyllis Diller 

 

 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal