Friday, January 6, 2012

'Tis good to laugh

Today I am joining my friend Chatty Crone for some Fun Friday quips.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Murder Trial
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse"
Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner:  No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner:  No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner:  Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Apologies to lawyers everywhere. If you have a coroner joke, I will give it equal time.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Bumper Stickers

Seen on the the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off!

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian!

Warning! Driver only carries $20 in ammunition!

If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.

We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Not humor, but useless facts to toss into conversation lulls...

The Saguaro cactus found in southwestern states does NOT grow branches until it is 75 years old.

The little bags of netting for gas lanterns, called mantles, are radioactive. So much so, they will set off an alarm at a nuclear reactor.

40% of Americans have never visited a dentist.

Coca-cola was the first soft drink consumed in outer space.

More people in China speak English than in the United States.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
So what did you learn from those five little factoids? I've learned that it is okay to camp next to a Saguaro without fear that a branch will sprout overnight and cause an unexpected problem when answering nature's call in the middle of the night BUT...I should not camp with my Coleman lantern near nuclear reactors. Also, someone in the same campground has probably never seen a dentist so I hope they are genetically blessed with good teeth. I am packing extra toothpaste and mouth wash just in case.

I normally prefer diet Coke, but without gravity to weigh me down, the extra calories in regular coke shouldn't be a problem the next time I orbit Earth. I will continue to brush though. I do see my dentist regularly.

And the last bit...maybe I should route my next carry out order for Chinese food through China!


SkippyMom said...

Your last comment cracked me up. Although our local Chinese carryout is wonderful and I may not be able to understand them, but they always get my order right. :)

Blondie's Journal said...

This post made me smile!! I am married to a lawyer and can't wait to tell him the joke. Love the one about the biker, too!


Chatty Crone said...

I love you joining in - I especially liked the lawyer joke - no offense to lawyers, but ... sandie