Friday, April 4, 2014

Pondering my wandering mind...

All is well in my part of the world so why have I felt vaguely unsettled for so long?

I was not sure what "finding your mojo" meant, but I think that is what I needed to do. I say this based on one definition that finding your mojo means finding (or rediscovering) the magic in what you do.

I was raised to be polite. Nothing wrong with that. Like many women my age, I struggled saying no to things that I didn't really want to do and felt that I need to explain myself if I did say no. Somewhere in my 40's I realized that men don't offer elaborate explanations. Heck, they don't explain the No at all unless asked by someone they think deserves an explanation.

Life perked along more easily for a decade or so with this new freedom. People close to you, the people that matter, won't judge you and those that will are likely to find fault with your performance when you say Yes anyway.

Yes, life was perking along happily and then blogging and Facebook happened to me. Most blogging and most of Facebook is fun for me. Like everything else in life, it is what YOU make of it. Unfortunately, I took some things to heart that were not directed specifically at me but they bothered me anyway.

It is fine with me if someone votes, worships, reads, name it...differently than me. What I don't like is when someone makes flat statements that my choices, beliefs, etc are wrong. Not just wrong in polite words but wrong as in morally corrupt, utterly stupid, or in a few cases, vulgarly worded epitaphs of what people who feel as I do should do to themselves. You get the picture.

Being raised to be polite and taught to be careful of what I put in print, I rarely (very rarely) responded to things that offend me online. I know how to SOB (scroll on by) from years on message forums. Why was this different? Because some of these people are close to me. Sometimes their remarks hurt. Sometimes I am embarrassed and fearful for them. It made me sad and agitated. I spent way too much time in mental conversations that would never take place for a variety of reasons, but gave me a chance to have my say. Did that make me feel any better? No.

I stepped away from a few blogs, hid a few people on Facebook and unfriended a few who were really toxic, and I watch less network news. There are some people who send me emails that I can't completely block, but I don't need to read the 15th forward of something that supposedly supports their stance yet a simple Snopes or similar check proves that there isn't a shred of truth in their "facts".

I can't say that I'm never agitated by people at times in my daily offline life, but it is easier to let things go that don't affect me personally now that I've let go of the online turmoil I was carrying around. You know the Southern phrase "bless your heart" and its meaning? Michigan isn't in the south, but I do live in southeast Michigan so I quietly think that phrase and move on.

More crafts, less crabbiness = a happy Knitty. Long live a peaceful, happy mojo!


Blondie's Journal said...

Ah...I just caught up with some of your recent blogs. I really wish you had a larger blog audience, you are such an incredible writer and right on spot with your thoughts and opinions, your general take on life. I missed you when you were gone.

I don't say much on FB, just the usual Yay! and happy faces. I have never been comfortable with expressing my political or religious views and while you were raised to be polite, I was raised to have little confidence. I try to avoid conflict,thus I don't have a lot of practice in defending my beliefs. And, I have too much other overstress in my life. I have also noticed that when I come just a tiny bit close to expressing my mere thoughts on a "Not common to a majority of women" subject or issue on my blog, I see my readers shrinking away from commenting and so I think I had better stick with recipes or candle making. My last thought on FB and social media, it is a Godsend for all the weasels out there that never had the nerve to say something to another person face to face. Nuf said.

Your last post was interesting, too. I don't know why GP is in the news so much...she's a wonderful academy award winning actress but she hasn't done anything of note recently beside sticking her foot in her mouth. So what! She's getting a divorce! Why is this big news? Her comment about her job and women in 9-5 office jobs...perhaps she was talking about being away from home and her kids. Again though...foot in mouth disease.

I agree. Our news people are held up to a high standard when it comes to appearance. They should be judged by their job performance like everybody else. While I don't like the idea that Tory took on her weight loss issues as a result of someone's opinion and not for herself, aren't you sort of tired of hearing women working on their weight "solely for health" reasons. That has become overused. While it's true, you will be healthier if you eat right and get in shape,but come on, be honest. We want to look good. We want to buy pretty clothes. Confidence in our appearance is a good thing. Just be honest ladies.

I read something interesting awhile ago and I tossed it around with several people who really saw the point and agreed. When an overweight woman applies for a job, she often gets passed over for someone thinner. Why? Because she is perceived as not being disciplined enough, not being able to set goals and follow through, and perhaps not motivated to give her best. I've seen much to the contrary during my working years and in interacting with plus size women in various job capacities, yet I see how it can be a detriment when being considered for a position.

I'm a good fifty pounds overweight and I'm working on it aggressively for a ton of reasons. If I had to get a job knowing this, what would I do? That's a good question. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Now, how is that wonderful little grandson of yours?? :)


Blondie's Journal said...

Oh, Knitty...I just wrote a post!! Just leave your comment! Ha!

Debbie said...

AOnce again, I like the way you express your thoughts. This was another good, thought provoking post.

I understand completely what you are saying here. For a variety of reasons, I am like you in that I don't confront people when they have said something rude or offensive.. I tend to internalize it, which for me is rather toxic. Therefore, I too, do the avoidance thing, both in real life and online.

One thing I will say though is that I AM from the south. I'm from the south of the south, in fact. I live in south Georgia. While southern women pride themselves on their ability to "bless your heart" through life, I have actually determined that they are really some of the rudest women you can imagine.

They use their "bless your heart" like a stealth weapon, making sure that you know clearly what they think of you, all the while smiling and batting their eyes as if they haven't just levied an assault in your direction.

However, if I were to point that out to them, they would refuse to see the truth of it. Then they would merely bat their eyes and bless- your- heart me for saying it.

I rather like your version of THINKING bless your heart instead.