Hot weather coping advice

Dear Knitty,

What can I do to cope with the heat this summer?

signed,
Sweltering in the suburbs

Dear Sweltering,

Take out a loan for next month's utility bill, then turn down the air conditioning a few more degrees. Pull the shades or draw the drapes on any window where the sun enters. This isn't just for energy efficiency, it is so you can prance around in your skivvies. Wait...skip the prancing...that is too strenuous and could cause you to break out in a sweat.***

Consider having cold cereal for dinner, preferably in disposable bowls and eaten from plastic spoons. If you have a demanding family who thinks dinner should be a balanced meal, suggest they eat their Fruit Loops while standing on one leg. The alternative is take out a bigger loan and go out to eat. Often.

If you're suffering from boredom and feel you must get outside, consider going door to door to talk to your neighbors about politics. This will work especially well if you know their political inclination and present yourself as working for the opposing party. How will this help? They will get so steamed at you interrupting their air conditioned comfort, you will feel cool in comparison. Either that or the slamming of their door in your face will create a breeze. Ahhhh....didn't that feel good?

And one last piece of advice, put down your copy of Fifty Shades of Gray and take a cold shower before going to bed. Alone.


Be cool,
Knitty

*** Just another thought...does your old, wealthy, nosy neighbor mention you in his will? Go ahead and prance. It might be too much for his libido and your inheritance could pay your electric bill and dinners out!