Monday, September 20, 2010

Truths for Mature Humans

As I sit here pondering the big things in why is it so hard for someone to fill out a stamped, addressed RSVP and get it back in the mail....and wondering if I am going to get everything that needs to be done by Friday done by Friday, and will I meet next weekend's deadlines, and the rehearsal dinner deadlines, and oh yeah...the wedding too....and will my thoughts ever be clear and concise again (what do you mean they never were?!!) or am I doomed to run on sentences forever..

* taking a breath *

I am missing blog land but don't seem to have much time to write or visit lately. Plus I have a cold or fall allergies or stress that I simply choose to call "the crud".  God love my friends with a sense of humor. They are unknowingly keeping my batteries charged in their funny emails and forum postings which I am shamelessly sharing with you today and the next few days.

Truths For Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 

10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day..
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies.....Quit Laughing.


LemonyRenee' said...

ROTFLOL! Thanks for the laugh, my friend. So many made me literally laugh out loud. And, sadly, I couldn't agree more with #9 (I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired, either! And I was just getting to wondering if I have turned a corner, or something, in age.)

Thanks again.

And good luck getting all your stuff done. One way or another, it all gets done -- it's the "another" that we all worry about, isn't it. Well, forget I said that part.

Blondie's Journal said...

oh, Knitty, each one is so funny. I love the fitted sheet...I just roll them in a ball, and the testicular cup!! Oh! And the snooze alarm!! lol!!


Kelli said...

Have you been reading my mind?


So many truths here. I can definitely relate.

Anonymous said...

This was funny it sounds so much like me. You know what? You will get it all done and it will be great. You will have the best time at the wedding too :>) I can't wait to hear all about it. I love weddings!!! I love all of the little details that make them so special. I have found that since I retired I am so much more busy then I ever was working. How can that be? I have missed you and I'm glad to be back blogging again. I felt so bad about staying abreast of everything but from the comments I have been getting everyone has felt the same way.