Where does it come from?

We were gone for 6 days. The house was clean when we left. My sons were in and out to bring in the mail and one used the computer to print something, but that has nothing to do with the mysterious "it" (actually, "its" as there are more than one) that I am about to discuss.

If the toilets were cleaned the morning of the day we left, and it is clean water in the bowl, where does the ring come from that appears in a mere six days? Come on....if a ring is going to mysteriously appear, wouldn't you prefer it to look like one of these?


These rings are all from Tiffany's online should anyone care to shop today. The blue sapphire goes for $105,000, the diamond in platinum band is $13,900, the tourmaline and diamond ring is $6,550 and the sweet little bow is a mere $1,500. Now I ask you, aren't these a much nicer welcome home surprise than a toilet ring?

Another mystery is where does dust come from? I can almost understand (but not forgive!) dust from arriving during the heating months because there may be a few errant dust motes in the heating ducts. Did I just say "a few"? There are probably armies living in there but were coexist fairly well. I don't attack them until they attempt to take over my space. This is not to be confused with Myspace....I don't have a page there. Dust motes, bunnies and cobwebs are welcome to go there any day of the week.

Do I dare bring up spiders in this conversation? We pay, yes PAY, to have the exterior of the house and cottage sprayed to ward off spiders. It works well at home. At the cottage, I think it only makes them laugh. Sure, it keeps out the weeker spiders with allergies, but the hardy ones? They reappear within days, usually in the bathroom. If I don't put my glasses on in the middle of the night, I usually don't see them, but I have heard them try to choke back laughter as they view my....never mind....use your imagination or not.

FYI: this is an honest to goodness spider, native to Hawaii. It is not a photoshopped creation. The spiders that laugh at me don't look exactly like this. They are usually doubled over and giggling.


And lastly, speaking or not of certain anatomical parts, where do fat cells come from? I mean really. If I am on vacation, isn't it my constitutional right to eat BLTs heavy on the B? And a few chocolate miniature bars? They would have melted if we left them closed up in the cottage! And the quarter pounder with cheese meal on the way home? That can't count! I was starving and I knew there wasn't any food left at home. Besides, I gave all the fries that feel out of the holder into the bag to my husband. Surely those were the ones with all the calories, right?

Bad Ronald! Bad, bad Ronald!

If anyone can solve these mysteries, please hurry on over. Bring a dust cloth and a toilet brush with you. Oh, and could you go through the drive through at Mickey D's? It is almost lunch time! Thanks!