Don't take things so literally

I got a new stick deodorant today.

The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely...

Monday, Monday....

Even in retirement....

Despite the wintry temperatures, I think I have a bit of spring fever. I have a strange urge to clean and re-decorate. Will I succumb or will this madness pass?

Oh perfect, in addition to cold weather and the silly urge to clean, the tax guy is coming by early this afternoon to go over our returns. This truly is a Monday!

Guess I'll see you in the grocery store. Or the bank. Or by the bucket and mop. Or struggling with boxes of Easter decorations.

What exactly did I retire from and why???

         

Mid-life humor

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.

Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, a nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great?  They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis!

 

 

New definition of Fun Fur

 Now THIS is the way to wear fun fur!!

I have no idea if this email is accurate. I couldn't find anything about it in Snopes, but just read it and enjoy the outcome.

Lawrence, Kansas, December 12, 2010

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
      1.The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
      2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
      3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
      4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
      5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.


Just thought you'd like to know!

How fit are you feeling today?

Even at the peak of fitness, not many would be able to move like this.

What a colorful monkey!

Can you guess what was used to create this sculpture?






For perspective, look at the size of this!


Some closer views...







Have your figured it out yet?

 
"Rotterdam-based artist Florentijn Hofman created this giant flip-flop sculpture of a fat and colorful monkey, lazily fallen flat on its backside. Constructed with the help of local students in São Paulo, where the “Fat Monkey” project was created, Hofman selected Brazil’s very own infamous flip-flop icon as the material of choice to construct the gargantuan installation. The “Fat Monkey” sculpture is the latest addition in a series entitled Obeastitas and was created for the Pixel-Show conference in São Paulo."  (info taken from a few web sources)

While I don't wear flip flops, I love their bright colors and this sculpture appeals to my sense of whimsy. Also, flip flops mean warm weather to me, and that can't come soon enough!

Milo Armadillo

I read about this book and pattern on a knitting forum. Milo Armadillo is a sweet story about a little girl who wants a fluffy pink rabbit. Her parents can't find one so grandma begins knitting one, but her pattern goes awry and Milo is the result. The girl is polite but disappointed. Everyone else has a pink rabbit. Milo shows her what he can do, but she always says that a rabbit would be faster, smarter, cuter etc. Milo decides to go to grandma's to be unraveled and re-knit into a bunny. The girl comes home from school and is heartbroken to see he has disappeared. She follows the yarn trail because now she doesn't want a rabbit, she wants her Milo back. Grandma repairs his tail and all is well again.

I downloaded the pattern and knit my own Milo. I will eventually read this to Colton, but right now he is little young to appreciate the story and he'd probably want to chew on Milo and I'm not ready for that. Milo has to go the yarn shop first. 

Turning One is Fun

Let them eat cake! Please! Eat some cake!

Today is my grandson's first birthday party. Yesterday was a busy day in my kitchen. I wish I had started some of the decorating earlier but this past week just didn't allow for that. I crammed a lot in four hours, and warm hands and squeezing decorator bags don't mix. Of course chilling those bags and making harder work for tired hands isn't such a good idea either.

The theme to this party is Jungle Safari. First we have a monkey cake. The batter is chocolate, the icing is regular buttercream tinted brown (not chocolate buttercream).

Next is a yellow batter cake with buttercream icing and Wilton jungle/zoo animals and leaves in the border. The larger animals in the middle are made from candy clay. I will explain that later.

The last cake is a single layer 6" yellow cake, just for Colton. The monkey faces were made at a local cake and candy supply store.

I've been lazy the last few years and used canned frosting much of the time. I had forgotten how quickly homemade buttercream can set up or dry. The cakes aren't as smooth as they should be, but I can vouch for the icing tasting good.

Now about the candy clay...

It isn't hard to make. You melt a bag of Wilton Candy Melts, stirring often. Once they are all melted, you add 1/3 cup light corn syrup and stir that in. It will form a clay-like ball. When the corn syrup is fully blended, pat the candy clay out on a sheet of wax paper. I spread it into a somewhat rectangular shape to cool. Blot this a few times with paper towel to absorb some of the liquid that will be present. I wrapped the wax paper around this, folding the "clay" and put it in a zip lock bag overnight.

My test samples earlier in the week were made with yellow candy melts. They aren't quite as bright as they appear here. What I learned from the samples was to  1) work with a small amount at a time 2) that if you let body parts get too dry, they won't adhere and 3) edible markers, even fine tipped ones, are too large to fill in small holes if you use a toothpick to make an indentation for an eye. Not the best picture collage here, but you can see what I mean about the eyes and marker. The balls in front of the puppy were supposed to be balls of yarn...I was getting ready to leave for knitting when playing with this.

The day after the clay was made, I thought it was a huge mistake. The blob in the zip lock bag seemed really hard, but breaking a piece off (or cutting it off), it was ok to knead by hand.

I knew I didn't want to buy a bunch of Candy Melts in various colors and I had a pound of Guittard chocolate melts from the candy supply stores. Guittard is a very good chocolate for molding tasty candy, but it wasn't as good to work with for this project, at least not in my opinion. I used the pound bag of  white Guittard  to make the clay and used paste coloring to tint small amounts as needed yesterday. The tiger orange was orange coloring added to some of the yellow clay. I was worried that the colors would stain my hands but they did not. I washed between each dye job, not only to prevent color blending but to cool my hands off. That isn't something you'll hear from me often. I am usually cold and running them under warm water!

If I had made the animals a little larger, the smaller details would have been easier to manage but do I think a one year old or his young cousins are going to mind? Hardly. I will definitely do this again. It was fun, and would be fun to do with a child. 

The leftover clay is in zip lock baggies. I need to look up how long I can expect it to keep. Of the samples I made last Sunday, some I kept in a plastic storage container and one I kept out in the air. Both remained pliable enough to bite without effort. The clay critters would be a bit sweet to eat an entire one, but I like that they have a decent taste and texture. Sometimes decorations are cute, but nothing you really want to taste.

I love Fannie Flagg

I am not posting from home so this is brief and without photos or links to enhance this but I just had to tell everyone that I love Fannie Flagg's books. I think I've read all of them, the latest being I Still Dream About You which I just finished while Colton naps.

There is something in each of her books that has made me smile, tugged at my heart and left me feeling good when the story ended. If you're in need of such a book and haven't read her books before, do yourself a favor and consider one when you go to the library or bookstore.

Happy reading and since it is March 1st ... Rabbit! Rabbit! ... for good luck!